Masterful Meowth
by ShinyAeon
Summary: A theme song for Team Rocket's furriest member, sung to the tune of "Master of the House" from Les Miserables.


_This __filk (song parody) __was waaaay too much fun to write. It was a bit of a challenge, but as soon as I conceived of the title, I had no choice in the matter; I HAD to get it done.  
_

* * *

I respectfully dedicate this song to

**Maddy Blaustein**,

whose voice work made Meowth the dry-witted, down-to-earth,  
and utterly loveable rascal that he is in the dubbed series.

We all raise our glasses to you.

* * *

**MASTERFUL MEOWTH**  
(_Tune: "Master of the House" from_ Les Miserables)

**CAST**:

MEOWTH, _an amazing talking Pok__émon  
_

JESSIE AND JAMES, _his partners in crime_

MEOWTH'S CHORUS, _his most ardent admirers; composed of...  
1. _MONDO of Team Rocket _(tenor) (from the Japanese CD drama, "Team Rocket's White Tomorrow");  
2. _CASSANDRA the Herbalist_ (soprano) (from "The Problem with Paras" );  
3. some _MEOWTH-WORSHIPPING ISLANDERS_ (from "Meowth Rules" ), a crowd of about 20 people in cat ears, male and female. _

* * *

Act I

_(On a dark stage MEOWTH walks forward to the lit zone downstage. As the music begins, the spotlights increase until he is a bright figure against the shadows. He has a smug and cunning look on his face.)_

MEOWTH (_points accusingly at the audience_):  
**Look out, you Twoips,****  
Your plans are foiled,****  
You've met the smartest  
Meowth in the woild.**

**Jimmy and Jess,  
They ain't too bad****—**  
**But next to Meowth,  
Don't they just look sad?**

**Seldom do you see  
Pokemon like me,  
Gracious, and loquacious,  
And undoubtfully...**

**a...**

**Masterful Meowth!****  
Brighter than my charm,  
Thieving and deceiving you with great aplomb!  
Haven't got the hair,  
Haven't got the rose,  
But I'm the one who's working while my partners pose!**

**I'm the genius of Team Rocket,  
I'm the brains who runs the show!  
When they've done the motto,  
Meowth has gotta tell'em where to go!**

_(Enter MEOWTH'S CHORUS, walking forward from the shadows upstage to stand in a line behind him, with MONDO and CASSANDRA slightly forward, leading the singing.)_

CHORUS:**_  
Masterful Meowth!_**

MEOWTH:**  
Brain instead'a brawn,  
Talkin to the humans and the Pokemon!  
Got a way with words,  
It's my expertise,  
Bit of a philosopher (in Japanese!)**

**Tell ya what your best friend's sayin',  
Translator is in the house!  
HEY! Wait a freakin' minute --  
Gotta know what's in it for Meowth!**

CHORUS:**_  
Masterful Meowth!_**

CASSANDRA (_solo_):**  
Friend if you're in need!**

ISLANDERS (_in unison_):**_  
Generous, inspiring!_**

MONDO (_solo_):**  
And wise indeed!**

MEOWTH:**  
Battle with my wits,  
Intellect prevails,  
Hit'em with da Fury Swipes when all else fails!  
**

**Always got a back-up plan, 'cause  
Negotiations might go south...  
Lemme tell ya straight—  
Don't never underestimate Meowth!**

* * *

Act II

_(The CHORUS fades back into the shadows upstage as MEOWTH is once again the sole bright figure, standing alone thinking to himself.)_

MEOWTH: (_Imagining Giovanni in front of him_):**  
Hiya there, Boss!  
Man, you look great!  
Uh, been a long time...  
S-sorry we're late...?**

**Don't worry none,  
'Cause we got a plot;  
That Pikachu  
Is good as caught!**

(_turns slightly to one side and folds his arms, mutters to himself_)

**D'ja see that Persian smirk?  
Yeah****—****laugh while you still can!  
While I just get to work  
On my brand-new plan….**

**Masterful Meowth!  
Quick to set a trap,  
Got a tack for taking back the Boss's lap!  
Hit a little slump,  
Worst I ever faced;  
Everything was peachy till I got displaced**

**Gonna be the Boss's favorite,  
Gonna be Top Cat again!  
I'm the better version,  
Persian's gonna get it in the end!**

**_Ha!_**

**Dig a deeper hole,  
Hang a higher net,  
Camouflage it better, and I'm not done yet -  
**

**Rig a bigger charge,  
Work around the clock,  
Insulate the mecha from electric shock!  
**

**Plans are always incubatin',  
I hatch'em like a Togepi!  
I favor catch-and-carry,  
Rare and legendary,  
Scary! All this genius comes from me!**

_(The CHORUS steps back into the lights to join him)_

CHORUS:_**  
Masterful Meowth!**_**_  
Friend if you're in need,  
Generous, inspiring,  
And wise indeed!_**

**_Rare as any Mew,  
Brilliant to the core,  
Strategist, philosopher,  
And so much more!_**

MEOWTH:**  
Here's to me, the one-and-only  
Number One by word-of-mouth!  
I'll overcome disaster,  
Fast, or even faster,  
After all, I'm Masterful Meowth!**

_(T__he CHORUS lifts MEOWTH triumphantly and carry him offstage, cheering.) _

* * *

Act III

_(After a pause, a light fades up on two figures in white, sitting atop a structure upstage. They are back-to-back with woeful looks.)  
(A violin of pathos joins the orchestra.)_

JESSIE: **  
Once we were the best...**

JAMES:**  
...but something went amiss.**

JESSIE:  
**Could someone please tell us,**

JAMES:  
**How'd we end up with _this...?_**

_(They leap down and step forward, folding their arms...)_

JESSIE:  
**"Masterful Meowth"...?**

JAMES:**  
Sorry little cat**

JESSIE:  
**Self-involved, conceited little****—**

JAMES: **  
****—****sharp-clawed brat!**

JESSIE:  
**Thinks he's such a brain**

JAMES:  
**Makes a big to-do**

BOTH:  
**_Just as bad as we are catching Pikachu!_**

JAMES:  
**He's our little freak of nature,**

JESSIE:  
**Beaten daily by a mouse**!

BOTH: **_  
God knows how we've lasted, working with this nasty ole' Meowth!_**

_(Enter CHORUS again, singing blithely on as Jessie and James half-shout to be heard over them.)_

CHORUS: **_  
Masterful Meowth_**

JESSIE: **  
Masterful at _zilch!_**

CHORUS: **_  
Strategist, philosopher,_**

JAMES: **And fat-pawed filch!**

CHORUS: **_  
Rare as any Mew,  
Brilliant to the core!_**

JAMES: **  
Irritable, lazy****—**

JESSIE: **  
****—a****nd a great big bore!**

CHORUS:  
**_He's the genius of Team Rocket_**

JESSIE:  
**Whose ego's bigger than his mouth!**

CHORUS: **_  
Let's hear it for the best-in-cast_****—****_!_**

JAMES: **  
Exasperating and outclassed!**

CHORUS:  
**_The one-and-only, unsurpassed_****—**

_(An expectant pause; after a beat, Meowth flips down from above to land on one knee, spreading his arms in a 'ta-da!' gesture.)_

MEOWTH:**  
This Masterful Meoooowwwwth!**

**_MEOWTH!_**

(_Finis)_


End file.
